FML
You might be familiar with this fairly new catchphrase. You might see it written on someone’s status on Facebook. You might hear someone mutter it when they’re having a bad day. You may have said it yourself. Admittedly, most people use it as sort of comic relief or even to receive sympathy in a humorous way – lighthearted and harmless.
However, I’m going to suggest that perhaps FML isn’t as harmless as we all think it is. That perhaps we ought to take more thought to what comes out of our mouths. The Bible says, “Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). The ESV Study Bible comments on this verse: “The true nature of people’s hearts can often be seen when they speak off-the-cuff, without reflection.” And this is precisely my concern with the way we communicate today, especially in light of this digital-online world.
The 21st century person is more connected to people than ever before in history. We are literally connected to the entire planet. We are living in an exciting age of technology that allows us to communicate our thoughts, feelings, ideas, and dreams in never before seen ways. In part, we have the ability to communicate at lightning-quick speeds. If we’re really happy about something, it only take a few presses of some buttons to let all our followers know on Twitter. If we’re not having such a good day, we can update our Facebook status in a matter of seconds to let others know. And my concern is that perhaps we are too quick to say what is on our minds – both online and offline.
I want to suggest that FML, as lighthearted as it can be, can actually mean something deeper than simple humor. One’s mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart. Could it possible that we mutter something like FML, off-the-cuff, without reflection, we’re actually revealing something harmful in our hearts? Even when we’re joking, isn’t it true that there is some truth behind our words?
Now if you’ve read to this point and you still don’t know what FML stands for: then don’t worry about it. =)
As for the rest of us, I’d like to entertain this thought that maybe, just maybe, FML can be an incredibly unhealthy thing to ever say to one’s self. I want to suggest that FML, as a simple complain as it might be, may actually be the beginnings of something really destructive: self-pity and despair. Sure there’s no harm in joking, but isn’t it possible for even a joke to get out of hand and hurt people? Then I might argue that even a joke about ourselves, like FML, could get out of hand and hurt us. I’m cautionary because I know that something so seemingly insignificant has the power to be very significant. And what is at the root of FML is a sort of self-pity and despair that none of us would benefit from. Despair is when one says, “I have nothing to be thankful for in my life. I deserve more than this. I deserve better than this. I’m entitled to bliss and no trouble should ever come across my path.”
For us, Christians, it is particularly harmful to our souls because despair says, “God is not good. He is not in control. He does not love me. He doesn’t care about me. He is not directing my life. He has left me.” Certainly this is one of the greatest tools the devil has in his arsenal. It is the unbelief of God’s goodness and love. One of the reasons why God allows us to go through hardships is to weed out that hidden sin of unbelief in so many of our hearts. This is the sin of misplaced trust in something else (most often ourselves) rather than our all-loving, eternal heavenly Father. It’s when we’re walking through the fire of trials and hardships that we really come face to face with who/what we put our trust in. A fact of life is that whenever you put your ultimate trust in someone or something other than an all-satisfying God, you set yourself up for failure and despair.
Thank God for the gospel. The gospel says that those who have put their faith in Christ have freedom from that kind of failure and despair. Jesus Christ the Son of God, blameless and righteous, rejected majesty and glory – what he fully deserved – to take on the wrath and judgment of God – what he didn’t deserve at all. All so that we might receive the undiluted eternal love of God the Father despite our sins – a love we don’t deserve. You, Christian, are accepted by the Father because Christ was rejected on your behalf. You are accepted by the Creator and Master of the universe. Not only that, but He is at work in your life, guiding and directing your steps with an undying love. He sees all that you need and provides in the right time. He is with all his eternal energy and power working on your behalf! Even the things that are “going wrong” in your life are being used to for good even if you cannot see it. He does and He is working on your behalf. He did on the cross and having risen from the grave, he is sitting on the right hand of God working on your behalf now unto eternity.
Heed these powerful words of Martin Lloyd-Jones:
“We are always looking inwards and pitying ourselves and being sorry for ourselves, and looking for something to help us. Get rid of that outlook, forget yourself for a moment; the battle is the Lord’s! Salvation is His. It is for the honor of His great and holy Name. But go further and realize that because it is God’s battle this almighty power is being exercised on our behalf even when we do not realize it. Things are being done in this great campaign of which we are not aware. We may perhaps be half-asleep at our post, and we do not realize that the great Captain is planning something with respect to us. We are unconscious of it. We would all be lost were it not for that. He, I say, is exercising this power on our behalf.”
– The Christian Soldier (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1977), 30.
So the next time something is not “going right” and you despair and you mutter “FML” may it be “Forgive Me Lord” as you remember the gospel and who you are in Christ. You are accepted and loved. And your good is being worked out by your heavenly Father who cares for you. Brothers and sisters, despair not! God is on your side!
All of this reminds me of this song by Hillsong called, “Made Me Glad”
I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all fear
He has set my feet upon a rock
And I will not be moved
And I’ll say of the Lord
You are my shield, my strength
My portion, Deliverer
My shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need
Watch and listen here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCmBTV08ylc
See also:
Psalm 46:1, 34:1, 92:4
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Peace,
dan
It's the Overflow 
September 24, 2009 at 5:30 pm
I have suffered much(but not to the point of shedding my blood as Jesus) emotionally, finacially, and just as Christ has been judged so have I. Alexus Jesus
September 24, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Thanks for your comment, but I’m not sure I follow what you mean. Would you clarify?
September 24, 2009 at 11:15 pm
I don’t think people who say FML actually mean the phrase literally. You do know this right?
September 24, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Thanks for the comment. I don’t agree with your assumption. I don’t think it’s safe to assume that people don’t actually mean the phrase literally. I know people who have said worse and have really meant their words. Words are a funny thing. They are powerful. They have the power to uplift and the power to destroy. And the words that come out of our mouths and really a reflection of what’s going on in our hearts. The heart doesn’t lie. And even so, despair (the thing behind “FML”) is not an uncommon human emotion. People do despair. And I gather that some would even literally mean “FML”. I know this because suicide exists. Suicide is the ultimate form of “FML”. So whether or not a person actually means it literally is not the issue. The issue is the unhealthy self-pity and despair that drives a person to even think “FML” even if they didn’t “really mean it.” To even entertain the thought is destructive and harmful to any person.
September 24, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I agree that certain levels of sadness and despair are destructive, but to tie the FML phrase into the same category as suicide really just shows how out of touch you truly are with the phrase and internet meme itself.
September 25, 2009 at 12:03 am
I understand that FML is catchphrase and that it is part of interent meme as you so aptly put it. But I have a whole other issue with the way this generation misuses the internet in communicating their feelings and thoughts. It’s just sad that some have to turn to the black hole of the world wide web for comfort and to just be heard. I think in many ways the internet and all these social-networking sites really degrade humans and their ability to relate with people in real life as well as degrade genuine community. But like I said this is a whole other issue.
But I’m surprised that you affirm despair as real and even destructive, but you don’t see the connection with FML and suicide. Wouldn’t you agree that suicide is the ultimate form of despair? And do you agree that FML (even as merely a catchphrase) has the underlying message of despair? Then it’s fair to reason that the despair that exists (at differing levels) both in those who mutter FML and those who commit suicide is the same. The root is the same. Please understand that my issue is not with merely the phrase itself, but what it means and what it stands for. If I can’t convince you, that’s fine. But I’ll leave you with this. I knew someone who said something to the affect of FML, actually to a lesser degree, on Facebook and then ended up taking her own life that very day. So please don’t tell me that FML can’t be tied to the category of suicide.
I know you’re basically trying to say that FML is merely a harmless catchphrase and nothing to worry about. But I beg to differ. Words mean a lot (like I said in my previous comment). And when so many people express their feelings through such words like FML, it is really saying something about our culture and the voice of this generation. Our generation is one of many destructive habits – and one of them is: despair. FML does not help. But the gospel does!
Again, if you don’t agree, that’s fine. We can agree to disagree. I rest my case.
September 25, 2009 at 3:59 am
wow! FML-suicide connection?
this is not a case of turning a mole hill into a mountain. no. it’s more like turning a grain of sand into an asteroid. an invincible asteroid that is earthbound and then every-other-planet-in-our solar-system-bound.
but i see where you’re coming from…i guess…
September 25, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Please note that I have edited my original post due to the helpful feedback I’ve received from commenters above. 9.25.09
September 27, 2009 at 12:09 am
I don’t necessarily think Dan is saying the phrase FML is always tied to suicide. Correct me if I’m wrong, I think he’s merely pointing out potential deeper issues behind FML. On the flip side, to say FML can and is never tied to suicide would be a false assumption. It can be taken literally and seriously just as much as it can be taken humorously and light-heartedly.
September 24, 2009 at 11:28 pm
dan, maybe you gotta relax a bit. FML started off with people who were willing to share their unfortunate experiences with the world. in the end, as embarrassing or unfortunate the authors’ situations may be, it’s all for a laugh.
yes, there are people in the world who are in serious need of council, but i feel that most people who utter “FML” may just be reacting to an uncomfortable circumstance that they’re currently in, and are, for the most part, normal, happy and emotionally healthy people.
September 24, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Thanks for commenting. I understand that some use FML for the purposes of humor and maybe even looking at their situation in a light-hearted way, but I disagree that “in the end”, as you say, it’s all for a laugh. Even if that’s the person’s intention, a person’s misfortune should not be the object of other’s laughter. Just think of the last misfortune in your life – would you have wanted it to be object of your neighbor’s laughter?
Also, I don’t think it’s safe to assume that people don’t actually mean the phrase literally. I know people who have said worse and have really meant their words. Words are a funny thing. They are powerful. They have the power to uplift and the power to destroy. And the words that come out of our mouths are really a reflection of what’s going on in our hearts. The heart doesn’t lie. And even so, despair (the thing behind FML) is not an uncommon human emotion. People do despair. And I gather that some would even literally mean FML. I know this because suicide exists. Suicide is the ultimate form of FML. So whether or not a person actually means it literally is not the issue. The issue is the unhealthy self-pity and despair that drives a person to even think FML even if they didn’t “really mean it.” To even entertain the thought is destructive and harmful to any person. That is my point.
So no, I will not relax about something that’s so destructive and harmful to our generation of young people.
September 24, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Have you never told an embarrassing story about yourself? Was it not self-pitying in some way?
September 25, 2009 at 12:17 am
I think you are in grave danger of misunderstanding today’s youth and how they communicate online. Hence, why you feel like FML is indicative of a psychological problem our youth may be having.
September 25, 2009 at 12:28 am
Thanks for the warning. As a youth worker, I definitely don’t want to fall into misunderstanding today’s youth and how they communicate online. I see a lot of issues (like I have mentioned below) with this digital generation.
So could you give me some hard reasons to backup your statement? Maybe help me to understand what it is they are actually communicating and how I should understand. I’d appreciate some further explanation.
September 25, 2009 at 12:38 am
In brief:
1. Don’t dismiss new technologies as disruptive simply because they are not the same as the previous generations’ ways of communicating.
2. Stop thinking of the WWW as a black hole.
3. The WWW is an extension of the feelings and thoughts we have, multiplied in a sense because we are no longer communicating one on one, but rather one with many.
4. One person’s mistake shouldn’t be laid upon an entire generation. Just because one person writes something along the lines of FML and then does something terrible doesn’t mean the rest of the population will suffer the same fate.
5. FML is for fun.
September 25, 2009 at 12:33 am
i think you’re assuming a LOT about the meanings of both FML and despair here. it’s one thing if you don’t appreciate the humor of FML – fine, to each his own. but FML does not absolutely equate despair. and despair does not absolutely equate “God is not good.”
some people say FML and feel better because they can laugh at their own misfortunes with their friends. some feel true despair and sadness over situations, but still have faith in God. tons of people from the Bible felt despair and pity, despite their faith and it didn’t cause them to sin. both Elijah and Job suffered to the point of despair, to the point where they wanted to die. God didn’t consider that sin. he considered it a reason to rescue and restore them.
if you think FML really is such a terrible thing to say, then don’t write things like this that condemn people for feeling real pain and suffering. God doesn’t condemn people for wondering where his goodness is in the midst of a personal tragedy; he rescues and restores and heals. i think that’s what he calls us – followers of Christ – to do for each other too.
September 25, 2009 at 12:51 am
I agree with a lot of what you said. And I’m reconsidering a lot of what I wrote. But I especially was surprised that you feel that I am condemning people for feeling real pain and suffering. So I re-read my post to see if there was any condemning that I was doing. And I have to disagree in saying that I don’t think I was condemning people at all for feeling real pain and suffering. Trust me, that is the last thing I want to do with my posts. I am a full believer in the grace of God and unconditional love. The last thing I want to do is condemn a person instead of pointing them to God’s grace. And I think it’s fair to say that I was trying to point people to the grace that’s found in the gospel message.
When I wrote, “You are accepted and loved. And your good is being worked out by your heavenly Father who cares for you. Brothers and sisters, despair not! God is on your side!” I don’t take that as condemning or discouraging. And I don’t think anyone else would. I would hope that it would be uplifting and encouraging to other followers of Christ who are in need of the reminder of God’s goodness. My whole point of this post was to edify other believers with the hopes of restoring and healing them with the gospel truth. Yes, I may have a tone of rebuke, but I’m definitely not condemning anyone for feeling pain. I’m only trying to steer them away from damaging darkness of despair and into the light of the healing gospel.
Also, yes, I agree that there were faithful ones who struggled with despair. But they never gave into it. And even that victory over despair was a gift from God. So I do condemn despair itself because it can be a deadly sin, but I do not condemn anyone who struggles with it (as I struggle with it myself). I only want to point myself and others to the powerful work of Christ in the gospel.
I hope that all made sense.
September 25, 2009 at 1:07 am
even if your intent is not to condemn, when you start off a long entry by writing things like, “this is the worst kind of sin,” you immediately alienate your readers and give them little reason to continue reading the rest of your entry (which in length is nearly equivalent to a short story).
now that i’ve read you’re a youth worker, i suggest you be even more careful with what and how you write. i’m a grown adult and even i was turned off by your first few paragraphs, so i can imagine how a teenager might react. maybe it’s immature, maybe it’s a sign of a short attention span, but that’s how life on the internet is. say what you want but say it quickly and clearly or everyone will misinterpret your words. (and just FYI, i hear 200-300 words per entry is optimal for a blog)
September 25, 2009 at 1:20 am
Haemin,
First of all, no offense, but I wasn’t asking you for advice on how to blog. Secondly, as a youth worker for some time now, I’ve learned first hand how important it is to communicate succinctly. But being succinct also means being clear. And I would be doing a disservice to my youth, or anyone, by diluting truth. Sin is not easy to talk about, but it is what it is. And it must be treated seriously. Why? Because the Bible treats sin seriously and so does God. It took the death of the Son of God to deal with sin. Yes, it may be a turn off, but typically that’s a sign of conviction in one’s heart. And the Bible also doesn’t shy away from stating sin as it is – just read Romans. And our Lord Jesus also didn’t shy away from saying things that turned people off. He said such things all the time. Some were convicted and others wanted to crucify him.
So thanks for the warning, but I’m not afraid of turning people off when it comes to truth. That will indeed be the case whenever truth is revealed. And for what it’s worth, I’ve been receiving enough positive comments through other sources on the web that help confirm that this was an overall edifying post to the body of Christ.
Grace and peace,
Dan
September 25, 2009 at 4:13 am
Hey Dan,
To be honest I’m quite hesitant to respond because I don’t think you’re open to understand what the other commenters have tried to convey. I think they’re trying (as am I) to help you understand that a vast majority of FML usage is lighthearted… more to share and ask for comic sympathy (not to be laughed _at_… but to laugh _with) than to express anything even remotely close to suicidal thoughts.
I very much doubt that you really believe that most usage of FML is not lighthearted and “just for laughs” (sorry for the double negative). You opened this post with many examples of where you’ve seen FML used in daily life. I doubt you addressed every instance of it as you would someone who was cutting themselves or struggling with suicide. If we were to start thinking that every time someone says FML they’re on the path to utter despair you’d see a LOT more dead bodies… I mean… just look how many posts are on the site.
You mentioned a few times that you are a youth worker. I’m glad that you’ve taken an interest in youth, however I think maybe you’re holding onto your status as a youth worker a little too tightly… perhaps almost proud about it as if that were absolute justification in your ideas. I worry that your attitude towards an Interent meme is hindering your ministry; that youth may not feel “safe” approaching you about certain things because of this hard stance towards this “new generation”.
Don’t get me wrong, I applaud you in wanting youth to understand that God is good… that he will never leave us nor forsake us… that nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of Christ… that we have a Living Hope, etc. I can see that you are trying to teach solid truth but I think your attitude may be creating hard soil.
You say over and over again that words have power. I agree with you but that is not all that matters. What’s behind all of this? is it really self loathing? Is it doubting the attributes of God? I know Jesus was not afraid to offend others with the truth, but at the same time outcasts, sinners, prostitutes drew near to him. Are you approachable?
I’m glad to see that you have a blog and are posting your thoughts online and embracing a part of Internet communication. I’d be interested to know if any of your youth follow this blog and what their thoughts are.
September 25, 2009 at 11:41 am
Thanks Norm. After having been able to sleep on this, I’m realizing the shortcomings of my approach on this matter. One of the things I appreciate about the online community is the ability to share an idea and then be able to hear from various other voices. You and others, who have commented on this post, I now see, are the helpful voices to which I should be taking more consideration rather than just justifying what I said.
So with that said, I’ll be editing my post soon. Thanks for all your thoughts.
September 25, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Please note that I have edited my original post due to the helpful feedback I’ve received from commenters above. 9.25.09
September 27, 2009 at 12:30 am
Dan,
Because I know you, I have a better understanding of where you’re coming from. I also am more prone to read such a lengthy post. I can see where you are going with this, and I agree….as well as disagree. Here’s what I mean. There are plenty of times I complain and vent about how things are going in life. For example, I just did it multiple times this week due to frustrations at work. To be honest it wasn’t sinful, I had no anger or despair in my heart, and I did communicate it in a different manner from the phrase “FML.” More like “my week sucked” or “my life is so hard.” In my context, I could have used FML and I think the stigma with that lies in what the acronym FML stands for. Had it been, MLIH (My Life Is Hard), the potential for it to stir controversy would dwindle.
I do, however, believe some people genuinely speak the words FML and believe the phrase to be true in their lives. This, can be destructive. Though these cases may not be the general norm, these cases exist, and if I were to utter FML and speak those words into the life of someone who is suffering from despair, it can be destructive.
With that said, I can see where the people who have replied to you are coming from. It’s a wisdom issue really. Is FML always going to be destructive? Probably not. Can it be? I would think so. Is it edifying? Not necessarily. It’s great to constructively talk about certain issues but (and i’m not directing this to anyone in particular) let’s not lose site on what’s really important, which is the Gospel of Christ. In the end, a good post. Whether we encourage or rebuke, it’s important to do it out of love.
October 2, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Dan, this article has stated exactly what’s been on my mind lately and something I feel the Spirit of God is speaking to this generation. Seeing this in this light is definitely a result of a changed heart through Christ and something I think you need to understand this message. Thank you Dan.
October 12, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Thanks Steven. You said it well. May God’s Spirit pour out on this generation!
December 19, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Dan, just reading this today and after googling FML, have to wholeheartedly agree with your message and am very glad you said it.
We should not forget how important our words and thoughts are. Jesus said that those who momentarily hate their brothers/sisters “Raca!” commit a sin equivalent to 1st degree murder.
Also, while the word choice is much more extreme than “may the day perish on which I was born”; Job 2:10 and Job 42:6 bookend those words from Job’s lips.
Finally, since when has dropping the F*bomb become something other than a grievous sin?